
leon_the_reborn
- July 15th, 18:18
My favorite quotes from marine DIs as I was getting my ass handed to me.
-"You are the raw material to build the foundation! I am the hammer!!!"
"You all know what a Nintendo WII is? You know what a friggin daygone playstation is? Your Class Drill Instructor's got all that shit."
OC Mallory: "Sir, do you have any books that you can recommend for us to read on leadership?"
GYSGT Melendez, USMC: "Do I look like I friggin daygon read books?"
Ssgt Rykman, USMC: Who fucked up?!
Me: Aye ma'am!
Ssgt: Yep, yep! Wow you really are fucked up! Get up here right now!
Me: Aye ma'am!
Ssgt: Hey, Squad leader! Why is he this fucked up? Hey drill body, why is he like this? Fix it!
*I fix it*
Ssgt: Bye
Me: Bye ma'a...uhhh...
Ssgt: To late, you're dead. On your face.
during the Platoon Commander's inspection after inspection arms, Platoon commander asks a candidate
Captain xxx"how many licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop"
*candidate smiles lightly*
Captainxxx "Bearing"
DI: Goddamnit K (my nickname). You STILL haven't learned how to iron your fucking shirts?
Me: No sir!
DI: Really. Don't you think that might be a valuable skill to have as a Naval Officer?
Me: Yes sir!
DI: No it's not you idiot, they have dry cleaners. I won't hit you on these shirts if you promise to always go to one cuz otherwise you will look like a bag of shit"
Me: Dry cleaning! Aye sir!
DI Sgt. Marie: Alright bitches, I tell you what, it’s hot in here…PT shirts off
(recruits take their shirts off)
DI Sgt. Marie: INSPECTION….ARMS
(virtually flawless inspection arms)
DI Sgt. Marie: Holy shit, maybe we should take our shirts off more…..faggots.
DI: Candidate, do you know how to pleasure a woman?
Candidate: No sir! ... [reconsiders] ... Yes sir!
one DI in my company was like 5 feet 3 inches tall. this was said to a recruit who was about 6 feet 4 inches tall.
DI: Roberts, i will climb up your tall ass smack the shit outta you then fast rope back down your dick son.
Roberts: Aye Sir!!
DI: Goddammit Busby, Shut your filthy Cumdumpster. I'm sleepwalking and you better not wake me!
Me: Aye Sir!
DI: Fuck, Now I'm awake! Push Motherfucker
DI: "You looking at me BOY?! You think I'm pretty? You want to fuck me?"
Recruit:"No Sir!!"
DI: "Oh, so what? I'm ugly then?"
Recruit: "No Sir!!"
DI: "So I'm pretty?"
Recruit: "No Sir!!"
DI: "THEN WHICH IS IT!?! AM I UGLY OR PRETTY, BITCH?!?"
Recruit: "This recruit thinks the Drill Instructor is Marine Corps Handsome, sir!"
*DI ponders this over*
DI: "Very well then. Carry on."
During RLP
DI: Is that 6x6?
OC: (looks)IT'S CLOSE MA'AM!
DI: Close?
OC: PRETTY CLOSE MA'AM!
DI: What is this stain on your skivvy shorts
OC: STARCH STAIN MA'AM!
DI: It better be or that's like minus 20
DI: Your pretty big, you think you could kick my ass?
OC: NO SIR!
DI: Oh really? Why Not?
OC: ...BECAUSE YOU'RE A BAD ASS MOTHER FUCKER SIR!
DI: Very Well
SI: What other questions do you have?
Candidate: *rips fart*
SI: Who was that?
Candidate: This candidate.
SI: Put yourself on fire watch.
DI: "What's your designator, boy?"
OC: "Intelligence, sir!"
DI: "Why didn't you join the Marines?"
OC: "Sir! The Marines do not have intelligence!"
DI: "Oh, really?"
OC: "Sir! This indoctrination candidate meant intelligence as in the community, not as in knowledge!"
DI: "Oh, you wanna play games, huh? Well we can play games. I got more games than Milton Bradley."
DI: "Mountain Climbers recruit."
*after 10mins of mountian climbers*
*recruit stops doing them*
DI: "Why the fuck did you stop climbing fucktard*
Recruit: "Sir, This recruit made it to the top of the mountian sir.
DI:*saying while trying not to laugh* "Really well climb the fuck down motard."
Recruit"Aye sir...."
*DI walks in to duty hut and starts laughing *
DI SSgt Coyer: "Are you an illegal alien La?"
Candidate La: "Yes sir!"
DI SSgt Coyer: "Salas?"
Candidate Salas: "No sir."
DI SSgt Coyer: "Bullshit."
DI- What's your MOS, you?
RCT Dumbass- xxxx, MP Sir!
DI- Oh, so you think you're going to have some fucking magical authority when you get off my Island? You know what, you? One of these days, you are going to pull some drunkass hellraiser over at the main gates, and you are going to walk up to the window of the car and you are going to see that it's me and 3 drunkass strippers and you know what you are going to do?
RCT- no, sir...
DI- Guess what bitch, you are going to take off your blouse and push right there on the side of the road.
RCT- Aye sir!
DI- Fuck you, po-po.
DI Sgt. Shropshire: "Kirby do you know how to make X's you stupid ass, I'm gonna make you write 1000 Xs in a row!"
Candidate dumbass: "Would you say by then I'd be an "X-Pert" sir?"
DI Sgt. Shropshire: "Shut the hell up you little....you know what 50,000!"
GySgt XXX: Candidate, how the fuck did you make it past RLP?
Candidate: By the good graces of...
GySgt XXX: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
Candidate: Aye, sir!
GySgt XXX: Hold up your war spoon.
Candidate: Aye, sir!
GySgt XXX: Now say, 'By the power of Greyskull!'
Candidate: By the power of Greyskull!
DI Sgt Delgdao : Bitch look in that mirror and scream "I'm not crazy YOUR crazy" until i tell you to fuckin stop
Rct Harper : Aye Sir! (looks in mirror) I'm not crazy your crazy! I'm not...
DI Sgt Delgado : Bitch did you just call me crazy?! Empty your pockets right now, you know where to go.
DI SGT Sanchez: *Sneezes*
Recruit: Bless you
DI SGT Sanchez: Fuck you
Rct: This recruit requests knowledge sir!
DI: What?
Rct: This recruit was wondering what kind of cologn the drill instructor is using
DI: Shut the fuck up! *then he starts to walk into the duty hut and right as hes going in, without turning around he yells.* Its god damn sexy juice!
(to linen recruit who was spraying lysol on the sheets)
DI "What the fuck are you doin, smith?!"
Recruit "Spraying the linen with Lysol, sir!"
DI "Oh...well....you dooo know this kills 99.9% of germs dont you!?"
Recruit "Yes sir!!"
DI "Good....then carry on, bitch!"
(DI feigns like he is going to punch a recruit)
DI "Why you flinch like dat?"
Recruit "Reflexes sir!"
DI "My ass reflexes....." (walks into office)
(5 minutes later DI comes out of office, comes up behind same recruit and smacks him across the back of the head)
recruit "what tha' fu...AYE SIR!!!"
DI "NO REFLEXES THAT TIME EH RECRUIT!?"
recruit "ah! NO SIR!"
DI (walking away) "fuckin dumbass!....reflexes...."
(recruit was humming while cleaning his rifle)
DI "oh good, I guess we hum while we clean our rifles huh?"
recruit "no sir!"
DI "yeah we do, we like to sing, good bitch, stand up on your footlocker and sing the platoon a song."
(recruit gets up on the footlocker and struggles to think of a song, I cleverly whisper jingle bells sense everyone knows the words)
recruit ".....JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE BELLS! JINGLE ALLLLL THE WAAAYYY OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE ON A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH! OHHH-DASHING THROUGHH THE SNOOWWW..." (at this point he's really getting into the song)
DI "OKAY YOUR DONE!!!"
recruit 1 "sir this recruit requests permission to use the head sir!"
(two recruits next to the first both stand up about to ask the same question)
DI "...oh, lemme guess, you two gotta piss too right?!"
recruits 2,3 "yes sir!"
DI "good, all three of you hold hands and skip to the head!"
recruits 1,2,3 "aye sir!"
(all 3 hold hands and as flamboyantly as possible skip to the head)
(DI goes back to reviewing knowledge while the rest of the platoon is cleaning rifles, after a good 30 seconds pass he yells towards the head...)
DI "YOU BETTER STILL BE HOLDING HANDS IN THERE!!!"
recruits 1,2,3 (from inside the head. in unison) "AYE SIR